i live 6 blocks away from the site of the hospital where i was born

(scroll down)

the hospital is torn down now
they're building luxury apartments there instead

my parents drove from nashville, indiana to the bloomington hospital
to deliver me, along the same stretch of 46 i've lived my whole life

i've always really wanted to move away

i'm finally going to this summer

although, i don't know where yet

indiana is really pretty, though
a lot of people don't appreciate it

i have a love/hate relationship with this area

like i think it's kind of ironic that they're building
those apartments right where i was born

six blocks away -
now a city-subsidized commemoration of dead labor,
rising rents, and private transformation.
all fossilized in the form of an overpriced box

i really like this karen brodine poem, june 78.
i think about it a lot, ever since i first read it a couple years ago

When I look at identical rows of flimsy houses,
At headlines slumped over men asleep on market st.
Being a marxist means you have to believe
Things won’t always be the same.
That streets flow into rivers.
That the Bank of America is turning into sand.
That women walk out of the shadows
Into themselves.

Last night I dreamt that every open space was owned, built up.
You put your foot in that soft stretch of grass, and when
You turn around, the ground’s shaped bare, ready
For concrete to stop it breathing.

It’s like being sick all the time, I think, coming home from work,
Sick in that low-grade continuous way that makes you forget
What it’s like to feel well. We have never in our lives known
What it is to be well.

What if I were coming home, I think,
From doing work that I loved and that was for us all, what
if I looked at the houses and the air and the streets, knowing
They were in accord, not set against us, what if we knew the powers
Of this country moved to provide for us and for all people -
How would that be - how would we feel and think
And what would we create?

a quick site i made in a morning with videos on my phone.
a stream of consciousness of disparate but connected thoughts about leaving indiana / "home"
+ putting this video layout i've had in my head onto the screen.

- avrie, december 2023